Winning at Losing
Written By Pete Nelson
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It was easy enough, when he was younger, to let him win, surreptitiously stacking the deck to make sure he got Queen Frostine in Candy Land or feigning defeat as he "pinned" me each night when we wrestled before bedtime, congratulating and praising him afterward, "You won! You're so strong!" (Little wonder he likes winning.) I figured that for a kid, survival requires attaining a progressive sense of mastery over each new task, and I wanted to build his confidence. At the same time, I knew I was postponing the inevitable and perhaps setting him up for disappointment.
Jack's collapse of self-esteem that day at the park was the first of many such occasions. His mother and I next watched him smash Lego-block projects out of frustration, and tear up good drawings just because they didn't look like he wanted them to. He wanted to be not just good but great — at everything.
After that meltdown in the park, I explained that even the best baseball players in the world still make an out two-thirds of the time. Eventually I got him to practice again under the maple tree in our side yard. His hitting improved, and so did his confidence. It still made me nervous, though, when Jack wanted to sign up for T-ball.
