Stuffed
Written By Susanna Sonnenberg
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Creating a holiday that's rich in memories, not loot. We specify a theme for each night of Hanukkah: One night is family gift night, so the gift is a family game. One night is educational, so we give a book or something related to learning. Our favorite night is when we go to the store with the money we would have spent on gifts, and the kids choose toys to donate to Toys for Tots.
My parents give a gift that encourages time together, such as tickets to a show, or that encourages activities and exercise, such as paying for a ballet or swimming class.
My mother, sister, aunt, cousin, and I choose one Saturday a month in September, October, and November for Family Christmas Craft Day. The children love giving gifts they've helped make. It cuts down on the expense and lets us spend time together.
My mom and aunt decided one year that we should take a family vacation instead of buying gifts, so we went to Florida. We did a Yankee swap with gifts we found for less than $10. No mall shopping, and sun and sand instead? Priceless.
We've decided to buy only used toys or make them. We've found the perfect toy on Craigslist on several occasions. I fear our kids will think us cheapskates in the future, but at ages 4 and 1, they're blissfully unaware.
When I divorced my children's father years ago, we were left nearly destitute. My mother's church helped us furnish a rental home, provided toys and clothes, and took up a collection. Now we go back to my mom's church and participate in the Angel Outreach program, which helps foster kids. My children choose a child from the angel tree (often one much like themselves), and we budget half of what we would have spent for their presents.
One of our favorite gifts is a slip of paper placed in our daughter's stocking. It's a coupon for a day out with Daddy, who takes a day off to spend with her alone, doing whatever she chooses. That gift is usually the only one she remembers by February.
My siblings and I exchange names, and each year we have a different wacky rule. One year, everything had to be found at a thrift store. Another year, all gifts had to be edible.
About a week before Christmas, I take my four kids to the dollar store to buy gifts for their siblings, godparents, and grandparents. The presents get opened after dinner on Christmas Eve. It always surprises us how happy everybody is with their $1 purchase, and the gifts get recognized more than they would in the Christmas-morning craziness.
I get a takeout holiday dinner, so I can spend the day with my husband and children rather than being tied to the kitchen.
I carry on a Christmas tradition that my parents began when I was young. Any monetary gift that the family receives is put toward a family night out. This usually means getting dressed up for The Nutcracker, going out for dessert, and then driving around to see the lights. My children now look forward to that night more than any gift.
We spend two hours decorating and call it finished. First we get the items from the attic, put up the tree, then start the clock. Each person makes sure their favorite decorations are up, and no one complains about helping. We spend more time making candy and cookies together to deliver to friends and neighbors.
We have a light Christmas Eve dinner with our favorite finger foods — feta cheese dip, meatballs, chocolate- covered strawberries — just a few treats that everyone gobbles up, which means no waste.
Every Christmas, our five children receive three gifts: one "gold" gift, the big item they're longing for; one "myrrh" gift, which is for their body, such as clothing; and one "frankincense" gift, for their spiritual growth. It keeps spending down but also focuses on our celebration of Christmas and the gifts given to the Christ child. We send a portion of the money we've saved to a charity.
We use our advent calendar as a meaningful way to start the day. Each day my 4-year-old daughter opens a door, and there's a message inside that invites her to do something in the holiday spirit: It might be calling her great-uncle to sing a Christmas song or telling her little brother a Christmas story.
Each year my extended family conducts a charitable lottery instead of exchanging gifts. Each family writes an organization's name on a slip of paper. We submit our choices along with a check, then draw a winner. The winning family donates the money to their chosen charity. The lottery generates a lot of dinner-table discussion about the state of the world and what we can do about it.
We make or find special gifts. My stepdad's a crossword puzzle buff, so last year I went to armoredpenguin.com and made a crossword puzzle with clues about his life. And for my mom, one year I organized her negatives from the last 40 years.
A tradition that my parents started is a year-in-review poem. My dad puts on his Santa hat and reads a poem he's written about our family's adventures from the past year.
We do a few gifts: something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read.
We try to get things that encourage a hobby, particularly if it will mean more time we spend together as a family. For instance, for our 6-year-old who was interested in cooking, we got a basket with a chef's hat and apron and fun kitchen gear.
Last year my daughter was 3, and people had started to tell her Santa was watching. I think it was starting to scare her a bit, that this big, white-haired man was just waiting for her to slip. We told her Santa had seen all the great things she'd learned to do and the awesome way she'd played with her new brother. To get this point across, Santa left a photo album next to the cookie plate. The photos were things she'd done during the year, such as learning to jump off a diving board or sharing with her brother. Santa wrote little notes to go with each picture. It's a nice reminder of how much she grew in a year and all the nice things she can do for others.
Every couple of Christmases, my extended family drives 8 1/2 hours to Ruidoso, New Mexico. We rent one cabin and snuggle in tight. Our children never miss the fact that there aren't many presents in those years. Never once have I heard my 5-year-old say, "Do you remember the stuffed animal I got?" But I've lost count of the times I've heard, "Remember when Santa Claus visited our cabin?"
My cousin was getting his first leave from the war in Iraq, so my grandparents had a large family Christmas. My cousin's only request was for everyone to bring him a copy of their favorite book. He wanted to read what we all enjoyed on his downtime in Iraq. It helped him pass the time and reminded him of his family.
My grandfather (Opa) became a baker when he immigrated to the States back in the '50s, and the family love of baking has continued through the generations. As kids we poured and spooned not-so- consistent dough onto pans. Then, as if that weren't enough child labor, we'd dress up in Santa hats or reindeer ears (seriously), load up the cookies, and deliver them to our neighbors. That's a lot of family time.
I've replaced holiday cards with "annual cards." I send my yearly update in August. It's less pressure and gives me time to craft personal notes.
My husband loves Doctor Who, so I made him a Doctor Who scarf. It became a top- secret family project. My mom helped, my son was the lookout to tell me when Daddy got home, and the rest of the family would get my husband to do "chores" out of the house.
Last year I had to give up the craziness because I was 8 months pregnant with twins. I found myself sobbing on a bench because I couldn't make it through the mall to buy my husband a present. Christmas was great anyway, but the important part for me was the effect of letting go. Once you see it works out okay without all the presents and decorations, it seems crazy to do it any other way. Or maybe that's what having kids does to you.
