Rookie Seasoning
Written By Richard D. Ginsburg
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4. Early Years Don't Forecast Future Ability
Sports are great at showing how children develop at different paces. A highly coordinated 6-year-old who can dribble and shoot may end up at a below-average height and never put on a high school basketball uniform. And a klutzy 7-year-old may blossom into a strong, graceful gymnast by age 16. Speed, strength, hand-eye coordination, and cognitive ability continue to develop even when athletes are in their early 20s.
Five-year-old Jeff came to see me with his parents while he was having a frustrating season in T-ball. He was smaller than other kids his age and was having trouble hitting the ball because he couldn't hold the bat steady before swinging it. Jeff kept saying he hated baseball, and his parents were wondering if he should hold off on sports until he was bigger.
Heads up in the infield, I say — Jeff's baseball skills could kick in at any moment. If he's able to have fun playing with his friends and the coach is encouraging, it's worth sticking it out. But if the T-ball experience is nothing but humiliation, it's time to move on.
He can practice hitting in a less public setting, like his backyard. Or he can take swimming lessons or karate classes, which can help a kid like Jeff feel comfortable being physically active. By next season — after growing a little and gaining strength and confidence — Jeff could end up being a better hitter than the kids his age who are slugging home runs right now.
5. Failure Is Valuable
We all love to win, but experiencing failure is not a total loss, not even close. For kids, it's an essential part of growing up.
I've worked with college and elite athletes who've become so accustomed to being the best at everything that they have meltdowns when they're left out of their teams' starting lineups. That's why I have a problem with the trend among parents and coaches to say that no matter what a child does, it's marvelous.
I don't think adults ought to react as though a kid is Pelé after watching him kick at the ball and miss. When we face up to a child's setbacks and help him work through them, we're making it possible for him to learn.
The important thing, I've found, is to strike the right balance: a little constructive criticism along with lots of positive feedback. I often suggest to parents a 5:1 ratio — kids need to hear five statements about what they did well before hearing about one area in which they can improve. So when my son and I are playing catch in the backyard, I heap loads of praise on him for his great throws. Only then do I begin to gently critique his catching ability.
"Hold your hands out in front of you, palms up," I said to Teddy one day in the yard, trying to keep my voice calm and even — you know, practicing what I preach. "Okay, now watch the ball."
I tossed it softly toward him, and it landed squarely in his hands. Then bounced out. The smile didn't leave my boy's face. Or mine. I try to remember that the way I react to his failures (and successes) will have a profound effect on his ability to learn.
When my son and I first started playing ball and he dropped a pass, I'd say, "Too bad!" What kind of message was I sending? That by not catching the ball he'd done a bad thing? Instead, I need to be teaching him how to hang on to the ball but mostly applauding his efforts, so he feels good about our games of catch.
Now when one of my passes falls to the grass at Teddy's little feet, I hold off on the catching critique until I've chanted my new mantra, a perky "Good try!"
The case studies in this article represent composites of several patients.
About the Author
Richard D. Ginsburg, Ph.D., is co-author of Whose Game Is It, Anyway? A Guide to Helping Your Child Get the Most From Sports, Organized by Age and Stage. He tries to follow the advice with his kids.
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