Lessons about cooperation and reciprocity, for instance. One day my 6-year-old asked, "How come you ask me to help with your jobs, but you always tell me to put my toys away by myself because 'that's a mess that you made'?" I felt like one of those cartoon characters clearing his head — boi-oi-oing! — with a noisy shake. "Good question!" And so I've quieted the "Put away your toys!" injunction, since it seems to make the kids feel like they're being punished for playing. Instead, I try to teach them chores that will benefit all of us — even if our "clean" windows look like they've been wiped with frosting and our "clean" salad is like an Orwellian torture of grit and wetness. Their father and I squint through the smeared glass, crunch through the spinach, smile, and thank the children kindly. We're in it for the long haul here.

Participating in the work of the household shows young children what it means to be part of a community. It nurtures their sense of themselves as able, independent, and esteemed members of the family. I hold out hope too that as they grow up, working side by side with us may afford kids the kind of quality time and easy intimacy that can be hard to come by these days. Our brooding teenagers may be more likely to share their troubles during a companionable front-step corn shucking than under our worrying, intense gaze. And when they're adults? Well, a whole generation of husbands and wives will surely drop to their knees to thank us.

Catherine Newman is the author of "Waiting for Birdy", a memoir of her pregnancy with her daughter. If she writes a sequel anytime soon, it'll likely be called "Waiting for Birdy to Finish Folding the Laundry."