There's nothing magic going on. There are the right tools for the job (small, specific, functional). There are tasks organized around a child's size, skills, and interests. There's patience in the teaching of work skills and habits, and sufficient time to get the job done. And above all, there are occasions to rise to.

I confess that I don't bake spelt bread with my kids, like the Waldorf students, or let my children suds up the good crystal, like the Montessori ones. And sometimes I have to remind myself that before he pierced his ear and got all hunky and useful, Mr. Clean was probably lying on his parents' linoleum floor whining, "Can't you just do it yourself?" But there are plenty of opportunities for kids to show what they can do — and they may surprise you by doing it. My thirsty toddler would prefer to pour herself a drink from the small pitcher than wait for me to wait on her, and when she cries over her diaper change, I ask her to please do me a huge favor and get a wipe out of the box — and her mood almost always changes from flailing misery to solemn pride. Ditto my 6-year-old, who is often frantic before dinner, flaking apart like a piecrust while I'm stuck stirring at the stove. If I give him a job — a real job, like washing the lettuce or pulling herb leaves from their stems — he tends to settle into happy concentration. Instead of feeling needy, he now feels needed.

Helping out builds more than self-confidence. So many tasks hone the very abilities young children are already working on: concentration, fine motor skills, and hand-eye coordination, to name a few. But they'll inevitably work on more abstract skills as well, such as discernment ("If I pour too much, it will spill over") and logical cause and effect ("If I spill it, I'll need to wipe it up with a sponge"). Not to mention patience, both theirs and your own. If your child skips toward a task as eagerly as Laura Ingalls Wilder with her milking pail, only to launch suddenly into a personal remake of The Exorcist? Well, remind yourself that she's still learning valuable lessons. And so are you.